She isn't my enemy either. She's someone I will defend and love until I die, but we aren't friends. We bond over celebrity news occasionally, talk about the Bachelor, and I help her understand things. We aren't friends. I'm her daughter and she is my mother. She loves me more than I understand and more than I appreciate. She doesn't know the real me and I don't know the real her. But she does what she must to provide for us. I don't think she knew her mother either. She worked as a child, moved away for high school and college; moved away to work in Singapore, Hong Kong and finally Canada. She never went back. She doesn't spend time on TV, or the internet (she doesn't know how to use it). If the energy bill is high, she'll unplug every accessory plugged in. She sacrifices and works hard. But she isn't my friend. She's my provider. As much as I love her, we have no common ground, and I don't think it's needed. It'd be nice to have, but the situation makes it difficult and rather than trying to get to know her I find myself trying to get out of her way.
Right now, I'm upstairs in my room. She's doing something in the kitchen. I changed the compost and garbage, made sure to eat dinner before she got home. I forgot to wash the dishes, to which I was met with an 8-minute, guilt-tripping lecture. I don't talk back to her. I should have washed the dishes. But I don't want to spend time with her because I've come to associate her with chores and things to do rather than my mom. As heartless as it seems.. it's true.
The following is true for both parents.
If I'm sick, I won't mention it until I can't leave the bed. If I need to see the doctor, they won't know unless I need a ride. Mid-terms, major exams, assignments - all unnecessary information to share unless they ask. My favourite is when they get offended that I 'never' told them ("Your exam is tomorrow?!" "Yeah, I told you that last week, when you asked me."). I feel like our relationship is business. But I hear my friends' stories about how they consult with their parents with life problems, and major decisions. I envy that. I stopped asking for help with homework in elementary school when I realized that I had to explain to them what exactly it was that I was learning. I don't know. It just feels like I had my back. Of course I'm overlooking the money, love, and energy they put into providing the basic necessities, but I'm talking about how it felt to me. Make no mistake, I have never questioned the fact that they love me. It was just different from what I understood a parent's demonstration of love to be.
Honestly, I don't desire to have her as a friend, but it's something I'd like I guess. I just can't see her as such. I don't wanna bother her, I spend my life trying not to make hers harder than it needs to be. But love her incredibly.
I don't mean this as a complaint piece, just something I've observed. She isn't my friend. And that's true.
