CHRISTmas time!

This year, it's been different for me. Today wasn't about me or my gifts (WHICH I picked for myself and love), but about family, brotherly love and remembering the One this is all about. Granted, arguments and the whole day with the fam wasn't entirely perfect, I love 'em. I realize that today may not even be Jesus' birthday, but it's the day we acknowledge until someone finds more proof. I just want to thank God for today and hope that you all remember exactly WHY Christmas is Christmas. Remember, it's a religious holiday, homies.

Off to spend some quality time with the birthday Celebrant.

Going Nowhere

Is exactly how I feel right now. I feel that my life is just a boring route. Graduate, go to university, get a job, get married, have kids, get old, retire, die, heaven. This is ideal for my society. Maybe not the heaven part, but you get what I mean. What I'm saying is that I want my life to be so much more. I don't want to die a little old lady who spent her retired years on a beach in Florida collecting shells. I want to see the world, laugh, be exciting and enjoy every moment. I don't want to save up for a car, I'd rather spend it on air tickets and go to Europe, Asia, Africa and see the world. I want to share my beliefs and life my life to the fullest. I realize that's a well used saying, but does everyone really know what means? It means not wasting your life, not just doing what society tells you is worth doing. If that was true, I'd be saving up to get that cottage in Muskoka for my 80 year old self.. not gonna happen.

I just want my life to be something more.

Happy Birthday.

It's my birthday! Well, it was.. like 4 hours ago. I am now able to do more things that I wasn't able to before. Woooooo! haha. The FB notifications came out, but it really got me thinking. Alot of my friends had posted something along the lines of "Hay girrlll, you're legal now! When I get back let's hit up the clubs/bars okay?! Love you!"As much as I appreciate their sentiment, I feel like it's so sad that the ultimate thing I can do at my age is drink or go clubbing. Is that all society expects from us? Okay, you're young. Go mess around for a couple of years then straighten yourself out, ok? Great. I don't want that. I'm not saying I don't want to have fun. I just want it to be something else, something different from drinking or clubbing. I mean - is there really nothing else we can do? I feel quite burdened and depressed. I want my youth to have a good meaning. I don't want it to be all blackouts and lost phones. I want more.

Love my Dad. But sometimes..

Hello all! (:

It's been a while, I know. Time to update! So I have some birthday woes.

My father (per usual) decided to take my birthday plans upon himself. And what did he decide to do for my birthday? A replica of our family friend's daughter's birthday from a month ago. She happens to be my age as well. Know what else he copied from them? The guest list. Yes. My father invited 3 families to our house this Saturday to celebrate my birthday. I am quite familiar with one of the three families. The other, two - SERIOUSLY?!

Ranting Time: 

I don't know them that well. I don't want to celebrate my birthday with acquaintances, I want to spend it with my family and friends. Yeah, they'll bring me gifts but I don't want my birthday to be remembered as that day I sat on my couch watching 7 hours straight of TV while my parents enjoyed my birthday with guests I did not want. The worst thing is that he probably invited them a month ago at our friend's birthday party. Now he can't back out, it's on Saturday, and there is NO way I am spending my birthday the way THEY want me to. It is mine. I'm not a bad person. I don't focus on myself alot. But this is my birthday. I've been thinking about the way I usually spend them, and they're not very eventful. This year.. This year was supposed to be MINE. Just once. But he took it. He took my birthday away from me. Now, I will spend my Saturday at work. After work I will go around, shop a bit. Maybe go to a movie by myself. Anything to get away from my house. I WILL NOT ruin this year. I don't even care. He didn't even think of me when he invited them. He thought of HIM. on my birthday. It's just so frustrating. 

Message?

A lot of bad things have been happening lately. According to my father, I have scratched the car. This could be true, but I've tried to recall the last couple of days and nothing comes to mind. I don't remember a time when I could've scratched the car. Really. Today at the gym, someone stole my car keys. Luckily, I didn't have the car with me today, but still.. someone out there has the same access to my car as I do. Or rather, I did. Here's the thing, my car key are attached to my house keys. But my house keys were in the bottom of my bag, so I'm not understanding why they didn't take anything else. I told my father about this too, and now apparently I'm lying. He thinks I lost it yesterday when I went out with friends. I just wish he would believe me for once.

Another thought came to mind - what if God is trying to send me a message? Maybe all these bad things are happening because I've been drifting. Well, I need him now.

Things Are Looking UPPP

Hello!


I haven't been posting my late night thoughts in a while. But I've had a few things happen to me, so I'm going to update!


I finally got a job! Thank God. I was honestly on the cusp of giving up and planning on loafing all summer long. And they called while I was at the gym, and I had to call her back.. oh the horror. It took me about 15 minutes to gather my courage to call. AND I GOT THE JOB! Bow chicka wow wowwwww. Honestly I have been in such a good mood since then, bringing me to my other point.


A few posts ago, I blogged about my terrible fail in the form of a pink dress. Well, I have been given a chance at redemption! In 2 months. Again. This time, in teal. So I picked up the mail, and the new Seventeen comes in! and what does it come with? A fitness schedule?! Well, I'm using it on top of my regular gym stuff, and I plan to stick to it. (:


That's about it. I'd rant on about the Korean drama 49 Days, but you can just check my tumblr for that (:


[Click for Tumblr! (:

Love.

CRAZY LIFE. and Yet, No Job.

I have finals. Even worse, I have to do 3 Finals over 2 days. That means two finals in one day followed by one final the next morning. WHO DOES THAT? May I ask? Honestly. I have a final tomorrow, but I can't focus! Curse my procrastination habits.
I need a job. Badly. I joined a gym today. I'm going tomorrow to sign the paperwork and then I'll be in for goood! Pretty happy about it, I must say. I need to start working AND working out asap. Time to hit up the employment agency!

Love.

Arm Flab

Well that diet sucked. No, I take it back, my willpower sucks. I have no one to blame but myself. That 18th birthday party I told you about? Nothing changed and I ended up with a pretty nice looking and NICE guy. Sadly I think I looked terrible in my magenta/hot pink dress and the arm flab was BAD. Not as bad as girl #6 & girl #13 who were also a part of the debut. I was #16 I think. But now, I am even more determined to become one of those people, like the Subway guy who hold up their old pants and are like, "Hell yeah! I did it."

I plan to hold up that gross picture of me in my magenta-hotpink glory and rip it to shreds wearing an even better dress saying "TAKE THAT suckaaa!". But everything changes. No more cheating, binging, giving up anymore. No more McDonald's because it's cheap, or cookies just because they're there. Now I shall get the Parfait and a tea instead of the Bacon and Egg McMuffin with Hash-browns and Chocolate milk. My snack will be mangoes, tangerines, and wonderful tasteless water. Summers just around the corner and by the end of it, wanna look like I enjoyed it. Here we go.

Love.

The Elusive Prey

It's hunting season for me, wonderful readers. Or rather, it's always hunting season. The JOB hunt. I have been applying like crazy but for the past two weeks I've taken a rest and I plan to go out tomorrow and get me a JOB! Hopefully we can work something out because OSAP funds are running low and I've got 5 months until my next cheque (T.T) Anywho, I'm hoping for anything better than my last job: McDonald's. I mean, you'd think that with my slave work experience I'd be hired in a second. But no, it's been almost a year since I've stopped working and I need the money! I also need a car.. in my world of the suburbs, car freedom. I can go wherever, whenever. But what about the Public Transportation system you say? Terrible and inconsistent. I've long given up on that mode of transportation. I only use it in emergencies. So here I am, about to step out into the working world again! That is, if anyone hires me.

Love.

It's only for two months.

So I'm on a diet. Wooo hoo. However, my parents have decided that this week they're going to fulfill the childhood dreams my sister and I never got years ago: they bought us cupcakes, muffins, and chocolate to keep at home. Let me tell you something, dear reader, this is a big deal. As children, my sister and I were deprived of sweet pastries, chocolate bars, and candy. When we ever got any sweet is was a special once every six months kind of deal. Well, that's an exaggeration, but it was rare in my childhood. So I wake up Saturday morning to find that not only was I allowed to sleep in without being disturbed, but that my parents had already gone out to buy the groceries for next week! Double win, right? I go to check for breakfast and almost faint - there are cupcakes, CUPCAKES sitting on my counter. Seeing that 9 years ago would definitely be a sight only in my dreams.

Sadly, the fun ends there. For the past three weeks or so I've been trying out this workout I saw in a magazine to workout the abs. On top of the winter weight I've gained, school has not been my friend. So along with the abs workout I've been doing, I'm going to the gym at school, and lifting my household weights to tone my arms. Note: the "Household Weights" I'm referring to are Classico pasta sauce jars and a 80% full 2 litre bottle of Iced Tea. Last week I added in another extra exercise: lying down, you lift your legs to a 90 degree angle and once you reach the top, someone pushes your legs down and you need to get as close to the floor as possible without touching it and lift your legs back up to the 90 degree position. Killer. I've been doing 30 reps three to four times a week.

No matter how much I workout, I continue to face my eternal foe..FOOD! With my childhood dream just chilling in the kitchen, it's hard to go there. I've been drinking tea a lot lately and rejecting my poor perfectly decorated cupcakes, muffins, and crackers. Tangerines, mangos, and Just Right cereal have been my comrades recently. And every time I get close to eating them and breaking my will, BAM! Choi Minho appears (See HBDCMH post). I've thought about posting his wonderful face on those cupcakes, but there are other people in my home. People who don't know about my slight infatuation and would probably be a bit creeped out. So I envision his face there and walk away.. sad.

In two months, my wonderful and incredibly talented best friend will be celebrating her Filipino debut. For you fine readers who have no idea of what a Filipino debut is, let me tell you! It's the celebration of a girl's 18th birthday, a rite of passage if you will. She's incredibly artsy-fartsy and goes to a really good arts high school. Unfortunately for me, her colour theme are the beautiful, but oh-so unattractive on me, dreaded Spring Colours. Until then, I must hold off on the icing and pack on the healthy greens. Good-bye eating after 7 (unless necessary) and good-bye cupcakes in the fridge. and the muffins. And cookies. AHMAGAH, only two more months! I'm hoping it pays off.

Well, time to go to bed. Who am I kidding, I have homework. G'night!

Love.

Blizzarded In

Snow came, my university shut down. Thank you Canada for being the great white north!

I jus bought the most expensive textbook yet. I've been trying to buy used books as much as possible but this book was hard to get and I ended up spending about $120.00. Ahh my poor bank account. The money keeps going down and the world isn't hiring. If you need workers, POST IT. Seriously. I worked at Mc Donald's! I have been to the bottom of the food chain and worked for minimum wage for way too long. Anything by comparison is better! Hire me! I do the unthinkable. I mean, you'd think that people would be breaking my door down to hire me. But, no. Nothing. I have cooked fries single-handedly without running out on a wednesday night. Trust me, Wednesday is killer. 6:30 - 730, that place is a war zone. I've cleaned meat grease, washed sauce carts and can re-fill a ketchup dispenser in 3 minutes. If that's not efficiency, I don't know what is.

Spent the day watching dramas. and then some homework. Maybe I'll apply to Shoppers this weekend.

Love.

More Teenage Pettiness.

I wasn't invited to a friend's club meeting. I went about twice then the club took a break. She didn't bring me to the meeting when they started again. I feel bad, more on the rejection side.

I know you older people out there think I'm being so petty & are ready to stop reading and move on to the next blog. I hate me too for feeling this way. Frankly, I can't shake the feeling, so I'm here to vent. Sorry.
But [Brace yourselves for an unattractive whiny teenage attack] WHYYYYYY? Why didn't she bring me? I'm a good friend, we're both comfortable, I've made friends. So why? WHY. I can't go without her, I don't know enough people and I'm not completely comfortable if I don't go with her. I want to go. So bring me. Invite me. Please.

Okay, There's a million things I could go off on about, but I'm gonna stop here. I've said the basics of my annoying whiny self-concious self.

Again, I apologize for the annoying-ness of this entry.

Love.

What A New Year.

I got into a car crash on New Year's Day. What a way to break in the new year, huh? My cant (Cousin/Aunt = Cant: My cousin who is old enough to be my aunt.) got a new car literally 2 weeks ago and not gonna lie it was a cute little orange car. Some kinks but liveable. And then, I "had" to drive it because apparently she'd had a terrible driving experience the day before and didn't want to drive, so that meant I had to drive. Unfortunately, it was foggy outside and that thing in the car that's supposed to get rid of the moisture on the windows wasn't working. I had been following my dad's SUV and I could barely catch up with him! We were in a 60 but I was going like 100 just to catch a glimpse of the back of his car! Obviously I slowed down once I could see him better but the moisture on the windows was too much and the fans just weren't working.  My cant was sitting in the passenger seat and, as much as I am obligated to love her, was just being plain stupid and wiped her side of the windshield. Yes, because that helps ALL of us. She eventually had the sense to wipe my side but then, she undid her seatbelt to wipe my side. 

It had been a good 5 minutes after this that i didn't see my dad due to the foggy windshield, not working car fan, and foggy outside when I realized that my dad was 50 meters away and I was getting close FAST. I slowly began to brake and it wasn't helping. I slammed down on the brakes but we weren't slowing down fast enough. her car didn't have the anti-lock brakes on them so we had nowhere to go but straight. And BAM! right into the back of my dad's SUV. First thing that came to mind was "CRAPPPPPP. I am SO dead." Second I checked if everyone was okay and I see this beautiful crack in the windshield and then it hits me: my cant hadn't bothered to put on her seatbelt. Although it was useless, I told her to put on her seatbelt right there, and a paramedic who lived across the street came to check on us. She pretty much took control of the situation and helped us out. But then, my dad came out of his car. 

And then I got scared.  He was coming! But he just checked if we were all okay and he asked me why I was so close. And I explained what happened with the fog everywhere and all was good. While we waited for the police to come, he pretty much told me what to say and then I realized the seriousness of the situation. I started to feel bad and tear up, BUT I didn't cry at that point because honestly, crying does nothing. So then of course at this moment where I'm scolding myself of the inside not to cry and convincing myself that it does nothing, my dad decides to give me a little lesson for the future and told me what not to do next time. So I couldn't hold it in and then he tried to tell me that I shouldn't cry because it's okay and then we had the mushy daddy-daughter moment, which I absolutely hated. I think that crying is such a sign of weakness and I really didn't want to cry at that moment. Ugh, I'm getting so angry just thinking about it now. After about an hour, everything was settled out and we were at our family friend's house so all was good. 

Two days later, my dad had a 'talk' with me about what was going to happen. He told me that once my cant got her new car, I was not allowed to drive it unless it was an emergency. This completely pissed me off. 

A) I never asked for her car. ever. I only drove it because my dad and my cant asked me to. NEVER did I ask to borrow her car. 

B) He made it sound like I was losing a special privilege but every time I drove it, it was for HER use, not mine.

C) He wanted me to apologize. COME ON DAD. It had been two days since the accident. I have enough sense to apologize to her. It's not like I don't have a heart. Geez.

Now, they're both driving rentals an I think by the end of the week they should be getting their cars back. But honestly, it just gets me angry. I didn't even want to drive that day! This could've been avoided  if she drove. I'm kinda pissed. 

On top of that, I have the sense to slow down in fog. Why I didn't use that common sense, I have no idea. But I am sorely angry because I know this.

Done with the rant. Sorry it was so long.

Love.