Relief.

No, I'm still rejected from that school. And the standards from that second school are much, much higher, so I'm letting myself down before they officially do shut my academic dreams down. Funny enough though, these past 1.5 - 2 weeks have also been stressful because my contact at the Indian NGO hasn't been getting back to me. I emailed him with a bunch of questions and it looked as if I was about to get shut down, so things were looking bleak. I got a response though, so my summer plans are safe! Thank God. Literally, though – Thank the Lord God Almighty who reigns over this sorry human who is supposed to spend her limited time on Earth worshipping and making disciples.

Remember that Spiritual epiphany I had last time? I had some time to talk with Him. Maybe it was all just thinking. Either way, once I got the email back, I immediately resorted to legalism. Kind of like a ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine’ type deal. Then He reminded me that this ain’t about me, and He’s graciously good to me all the time, and He’s BEEN good to me during my 6 months of drifting. Actually though.

I felt like my life was over when I got the rejection. But I’m not one to mope around. I hate that. If it seems like everything is going wrong you endure. You don’t sit there and cry, because crying most literally gets you nowhere. It gets you wet hands, a ruined shirt, a red face that takes 3 hours to normalize after, and removed foundation for your face. No. When in a tough situation and all goes wrong you get up and find that solution and at the end of the day you get in your bed and then you let it all out. Easy part comes last. It’s like a reward. I’m not one for bottling emotions, but I will say that there is a place and time to act appropriately and 9/10 times it is not in public and not when your emotions are in charge of your body instead of your brain.

How we moved from relief to life lessons is ridiculous. Just thought you should know. But yeah. Next step is to wait for my final exams to come out, buy that ticket, and tell select friends until I randomly disappear.